When did failure become a bad thing? Was it when we entered school and heard about the dreaded “F”? Or when we missed that shot in our first soccer game? For most of us, there was a moment (or several) when we decided failure was something scary, negative and better avoided.
As a coach, I often see people resist failure–and particularly failure related to the things they care about most. When you are committed to something you deeply love–whether it’s a hobby that lights you up, your dream job or taking care of your family–failure stings more deeply and becomes more terrifying.
And, yet, we miss out on so much if we play it safe!
When I started my business, I had a serious wake-up call. If I wanted to grow beyond my current capacities, I would need to put myself out there in a new way. This surely meant I would fail–probably often, and most likely daily. To thrive, I knew I needed to adopt a different perspective. Once I did, failure became less intimidating (and sometimes even a little fun!).
If you’re ready to make big shifts in your life, check out my top recommendations for overcoming resistance to failure:
- Keep it in perspective: Failure is a natural result of action, and action is key to success. If you experienced failure this week, I want to congratulate you! Great work! If you didn’t–why not? What have you been unwilling to try that could be your next step to success? There’s a reason “Fail Faster” became a catchphrase in the Silicon Valley. We learn from each experience.
- Make Failure a Game: In this TED talk, Jane McGonigal speaks about turning goals into games. By creating a culture of play in our challenges, we can eliminate the intensity and seriousness that takes joy out of building something new. I try to fail 10 times each day. I set this goal to encourage myself to try more awesome things, speak to more interesting people, and implement new and potentially rewarding strategies with less resistance. This mindset allows me to own failure, rather than letting failure own me.
- Don’t let failure mean anything about you: Often, failure stings because we take it personally. When you feel this all-too-familiar twinge, ask yourself “What am I making this mean?” The answer may surprise you. In the past, I’ve let failure mean that I was a bad coach, unlovable, or a disappointment to my family. Once I understood these beliefs, I was able to see them for what they were–stories that were simply not true.
- Celebrate your failures (and successes!) with a trusted contact each week: Both failure and success are signs of action–a critical component for creation! Reward yourself for your efforts, and consider what you learned. Ask yourself: What did failure allow me to access this week that I could not have accessed otherwise? I suggest tracking lessons learned so that you can revisit them as you move forward. This is a great way to refine your strategy for success, as well as to track your progress.
If you are failing, you are doing something right. Embrace your experience, learn from each move and have faith in your abilities as a powerful creator. Oh, and don’t forget to smile 🙂
With lots of love and happy feet,