black spiderEnglish is my boyfriend Angel’s second language, and sometimes the expressions he creates are illuminating.

A few months ago, Angel really pissed me off…. and I lashed out. After a particularly animated fight, he said,

“You’re such a good person, but there’s a black spider that lives in your heart.” And you know what? He was right!

My sweet, loving boyfriend harassed that spider, and it bit him. Hard.

I wasn’t offended by Angel’s observation because he shared it without being judgmental. He wasn’t shaming me or making me the bad guy. He wasn’t trying to control me or that spider. He was simply sharing what he saw.

He shared his observation so lovingly that I was able to hear it…. and to show that black spider of mine some compassion. In the past when that spider came out, I would feel awful and berate myself for saying or doing something less than perfect. I’d over-associate with this black spider and wonder “Is this who I really am?”

Obviously not!

Instead, I now ask: “What’s really going on here? What is the need I have that I’m not honoring? How does my spider need me to take care of myself so he can go back to sleep?”

It’s a lot easier to tame the black spider in our hearts when we understand that it’s just part of our humanity and a sacred indicator that something is missing.

How much compassion are you showing your spider this holiday season? Are you looking deeper when it shows up? And how much compassion are you having for friends and family when their spiders come out?

This isn’t your typical Christmas eve message, but it’s important nonetheless. Let’s be good to ourselves and each other as we wrap up this year!

Embrace the Adventure,


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