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Are you waiting for the “right” way to get started? Or the “best” next step to appear?
Are you waiting until conditions are perfect? Until you have the “right” equipment, tools, or techniques to take the leap into what you KNOW is next for you?
If you find this is your mindset, you may be kicking the can down the road. And because the road through life is (hopefully) long…. you can keep kicking that can for a VERY long time.
What if the question weren’t about the “right” time, but about…
- Self-actualization
- Having fun
- Sharing your gifts with the world
- Honoring your process
- Learning sacred lessons as you go that ensure your long-term success
When we remember that it’s about THOSE things, rather than perfectionism, we make magic happen. We do the work to make ourselves and our mission visible. And then…
The right partners appear.
Opportunities arise.
Sh*t actually happens!
I experienced a great example of the “Just do it!” attitude a few weeks ago when I did an interview about authentic relating with my friends Karen and Philippa. These ladies run a podcast called “Women of Uncertain Age” and I love the attitude they bring to this passion project. We did the podcast session at Philippa’s kitchen table. We recorded the session with her iPhone. We drank a little wine and laughed a lot.
Was it perfect? No way. But it was a hell of a lot of fun… and we had a great conversation that made a difference for people (through their “Just Do It!” attitude, they’ve created a dedicated following!). In fact, someone who heard the podcast attended my last Authentic Relating Games night because she was inspired by what she learned.
Let your LOVE be bigger than your FEAR.
Let your desire to SERVE others and HAVE FUN be BIGGER than the reasons why you can’t.
You can do it.
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
P.S. Let me know what you think of the podcast!
***Update***
Woops! This blog post had the wrong title!
…and right after I wrote about choosing “Just do it!” over perfectionism.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Let this be a magical, cosmic reminder that DOING THE THING — even if you get the title wrong 😉 — is better than not taking action.
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
Over the past two weeks, I’ve interviewed past travelers on PACK Retreats.
Today, I spoke with Matt Maxwell (who inspired the title of this email!).
Last week, I talked with Neil Takemoto.
I run these retreats with my colleague Catherine Wood, and we are sharing these interviews to show how FRICKIN’ AWESOME our travelers are.
Our vision is that PACK Retreats give people a powerful experience during the trip… but also once they get home. We are building a global community of inspired, heart-driven creators. By highlighting the incredible people who have joined us this far, we know we will inspire other movers-and-shakers to join us in the future.
Are you awesome? Do you love people? Do you love living a happy life?
Join us in India (co-ed) or in the Dominican Republic (ladies only!) in 2019.
Embrace the Adventure,
Meg
People pleasing doesn’t do anyone any favors.
What it does do:
*Gives people a false sense of your boundaries
*Gives people a false sense of your needs
*Creates unrealistic expectations about what you can do
*Creates a false and unsustainable relationship dynamic that can go on for years
*Generates burnout, resentment, and/or self-care breakdowns for the people pleaser
*Generates resentment/upset if the other person feels like they’ve been “lied to” about who you are and what you need
I am a recovering people pleaser, so I KNOW how challenging it can feel to own your truth.
But I also know that owning your truth in the moment can save you a lot of time and clean up later.
Practicing authenticity in setting your boundaries will also:
*Improve your self-care
*Build your confidence
*Support you in cultivating self-love
*Establish a precedent of honesty in your relationships
*Create healthy expectations
*Help you identify when you need more support
It’s from THAT place that you can powerfully, intentionally and sustainably create your life.
Take 100% ownership for (lovingly) sharing your truth. It will not always be easy, but there is a lightness to living openly that is invaluable.
***
I want to know: How do you overcome people pleasing?
Dear Readers,
Many of my clients would rather run themselves ragged than be called selfish.
To avoid seeming selfish or uncommitted, they give of themselves until they are exhausted.
They work long hours. They stop going to the gym. They don’t exercise their “No” with friends or family.
Then they wonder why they feel burnt out, tired, and can’t create the relationship with others (or themselves) they want.
This is because, ultimately, their choices are based in AVOIDANCE.
They are focused on what they DON’T want to be.
In this black-and-white world, they’re either selfish (bad) or unselfish (good).
When they stop and examine the fear of being selfish, they start to see a grey area. They start to see that being selfish can be the BEST thing you can do for others.
What does it even mean to be selfish?
It means we put ourselves first.
It means we take care of our own needs.
It means we put on our proverbial oxygen mask before we assist others.
Because, honestly, who are we going to help if we’re passed out in the emergency exit?
To give others our highest and best, we must first exquisitely support ourselves.
I recently saw an interview between Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant that described this beautifully.
“How you treat yourself is how you treat God because you are the representative of God in your life,” Vanzant said.
“So it’s not selfish to put yourself first?” Oprah asked.
“No, It’s self-ful… to be as good as possible to you. You want to come with your cup full.”
***
Remember: What we avoid controls us. Facing, and changing our relationship to, what we fear is access to freedom.
Imagine the impeccable energy you could bring to others if you were fully sourced, fully supported, fully cared for.
What could you create in your family, your relationships, and your career if you truly put your needs first?
Imagine how THAT version of yourself would show up to a challenge. Imagine how THAT version of yourself would treat others.
I invite you to step into the grey area — to embrace mindful selfishness.
I invite you to give yourself permission to have the self-care or support you’ve been craving.
A life of powerful intention and possibility is within your reach. Are you self-ful enough to claim it?
***
Did this blog post resonate with you?
I want to know: What is your biggest takeaway?
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
There I am on the far left, looking seriously professional.
But don’t be fooled… This was my left shark moment.
Let’s rewind for those who don’t know this cultural reference.
During the 2015 Super Bowl, Katy Perry rocked the half time show. It was great exposure for her, but the true star was one of her backup dancers — the man in the giant shark costume on her left.
“Left shark” became an instant celebrity featured on national news outlets. People talked about him for weeks because his choreography was clearly off and his improvised moves were oh-so hilarious. You can see the video here.
(Left shark made headlines again recently when he explained what happened during the performance. See this NPR article.)
Ok — now back to the story!
In February, I joined a four-week women’s salsa styling class. I thought this would be a great opportunity to learn new moves and make friends.
When I arrived for the first class, however, the teacher announced we would perform the choreography.
“Are you dancing with us, Megan?” She asked me (in Spanish, of course).
I said yes.
But by the end of the first class I was worried. Most of the women were already amazing dancers. As these beautiful Latinas twirled their way across the floor, I flailed around in back like a fish out of water.
Over the next two weeks, I became increasingly nervous. I spent hours in between classes trying to learn the choreography and no one seemed available to practice with me.
A week before the show, I went to a final rehearsals.
As the other ladies turned across the floor, I stood awkwardly in place. When they did a complicated series of moves, I got lost and ended up facing the wrong direction.
“You look confused.” The dance teacher told me.
Yeah… thanks.
It would have been easy to give up. This was NOT what I had expected. I felt humiliated and alone. My ego was screaming at me to call it quits.
But then my coach-brained turned on: What’s the bigger thing for me to learn here?
Since arriving, I had been trying to gain friends and connect with others by looking “together,” rather than by relaxing and truly connecting with people.
I was trying to prove myself by doing things “right,” rather than loving myself — and letting others love me — simply for me. (After all, this gringa with terrible Spanish and mediocre salsa moves was actually really nice, fun, and charming!)
It was exhausting. And I decided I would rather create success from EASE and CONNECTION rather than from PERFORMANCE.
So, for the next week, I asked for support as much as I needed it (especially when I felt like it was “too much”). I practiced laughing at myself and embracing “good enough.” I practiced not taking myself so seriously and keeping things in perspective.
From this new place, I got the support I needed and had a hell of a lot more fun. My fellow dancers helped me, rooted for me, and made sure I was able to get into my costume (those tight, frilly outfits are difficult to put on!).
As it turns out, being a demand for what you want is often necessity here! If you ask once, twice, or three times, you probably won’t get what you need. No one thinks it’s pushy. People think it’s normal. (Thanks, Universe, for the opportunity to endlessly practice standing up for what I need! What a great skill to strengthen!)
By the next week, I was somewhat ready for the performance. I knew most of the moves but — more importantly — I had the right attitude.
Making FUN, EASE, and CONNECTION non-negotiable turned everything around. And I got what I wanted: better dance technique, new friends, and a memorable experience.
Was my performance perfect? Hardly! You can see it here.
But it was good enough! And we’ve been invited to perform our choreography at the Hard Rock Cafe… so I’ll have another shot and plenty more time to practice.
Readers, Where are you taking yourself too seriously? Is it killing your ability to have fun and be present? What is the experience you really want?
Whatever it is, you can create it NOW! You can choose to assume the attitude that will allow you to have the experience you desire.
Don’t forget it, and don’t forget to…
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
Dear Readers,
In honor of International Women’s Day, I want to feature a few ladies who have made a big difference for me this year, as well as offer a free, three-hour coaching intensive to a woman who is making a difference for those around her.
Leah Beilhart
Who is this gorgeous babe, you ask? Why, it’s Leah Beilhart! Photographer, videographer, and community leader extraordinaire! Leah makes a massive contribution through her community Behold.Her in Washington DC and does beautiful work for her clients — all while being kind, gracious, and quirky in the best way. She is to thank for our beautiful video of the Dominican retreat.
Darys Estrella
It’s not often your AirBnB host becomes a friend. Darys is an amazing woman and fate brought us together in the Dominican Republic. Darys lived in New York for many years and worked on Wall Street before moving back to the DR to become the first female CEO of the Dominican Stock Exchange. She came from modest beginnings and recently released a book about her path to success. She is in the midst of launching her international speaking career (just last week she spoke at three events in Colombia), and it’s been a blast to work side by side with her from her apartment. She is honest, kind, and all-around badass.
Mickela Mallozzi
In 2017, Dance Adventures collaborated with Mickela — the Emmy-Award-Winning host of the television show Bare Feet — to run our dance trip to Argentina. Mickela’s tenacity is inspiring. Initially, she struggled to find support for her show because she didn’t look like a typical television host. She stayed with it and now has three Emmys under her belt. She is an amazing example of what happens when a brilliant woman applies herself to a project she adores.
Make sure to follow these three ladies so you receive updates on the amazing things they’re creating!
Embrace the adventure,
Megan
Dear Readers,
Three weeks ago, I got a wake-up call.
While eating with a friend, he said something that left me speechless.
Up until this time, I thought I was handling my transition to the DR beautifully. Despite numerous challenges (unreliable internet, terrible traffic, my cost of business tripling, etc…), I felt I was adjusting well.
What I didn’t realize is that I was complaining… a lot.
That night, as I ate with my friend, I was caught in that pattern. And, after listening to the story about my difficult day, he dropped a truth bomb:
He put down his fork, looked me right in the eyes, and said “You complain and get angry too much.”
Me: (Stunned silence, wide-eyed, embarrassed)
Him: It’s true. And you can’t find a solution when you get upset like that.
Me: I guess that’s true. There are just so many challenges about living here…
Him: You’re in a big transition, but you have to learn to stay calm. Just look at my mom. She lost her job three months ago, my family is losing money, and we all still laugh every day. You need to relax. There is always a solution, but you won’t be able to see it if you are angry. Relax and be happy.
I didn’t know what to say, but I knew what I felt: Shame. Guilt. Humiliation.
…Until I realized that was more of the drama I’d been creating. And it was time to cut that sh*t out.
My friend was was so right. When we get angry or upset, our creativity dies. We are no longer able to creatively and intelligently face challenges. By hopping on the emotional roller coaster, we give up all of our power.
Rather than repeat the same old thing, I decided it was time to step it up as a badass boss babe and powerful creator I am. That night, I:
- Put myself on a complaint diet, and empowered a morning gratitude practice
- Resolved to make decisions more quickly (rather than hemming, hawing, and creating decision fatigue)
- Asked my friend for help with an issue only a local could solve (and put a date on our calendars to address it)
- Identified three solid ways to improve my self-care (since complaining is a sign that we have needs that need to be met!)
The result? My quality of life skyrocketed, I resolved several challenges, I became more resilient in the face of setbacks, and I created more time to spend on my hobbies and building friendships.
There is so much wisdom in this interaction, so I am thrilled to share it with you all.
Wisdom bomb 1: Be open to reflections from people you love and trust, even if they are upsetting at first. There is value in knowing how people see you show up in the world. If you’re willing to look at their reflection objectively, you may identify an opportunity to make your life or relationships better.
Wisdom bomb 2: Keep things in perspective. I was worked up about a challenge in my business when someone else was worried about making ends meet. When we focus on what we have (resilience, income, resources, opportunity, community, love), we are more creative and strategic. We are able to experience joy and play in the face of challenge.
Wisdom bomb 3: Have compassion for yourself, and don’t forget that self-care is core to your resilience, courage, and ability to be with transition. Self-care is the first place I look when I notice I feel “off.”
What did you get from this story, readers? What other wisdom bombs do you see? I would love to know.
Wishing you all a beautiful, creative, and powerful week!
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
Magic, magic, magic!
Our Dominican Republic Reset Retreat was absolutely incredible!
Click here to see the stunning video.
We enjoyed coaching workshops, authentic relating games, ziplining, ATV touring, swimming in waterfalls, bike rides to the beach, and more.
This retreat gave people the space to powerfully plan 2018, create new friendships, and completely unplug from their day-to-day.
Do NOT miss the chance to come with us next year! If you’re interested, reply to this post and you will be the first to know our dates for 2019!
Make sure to watch the video, and scroll below to see beautiful pictures by the one and only Leah Beilhart.
More updates to come (including my hilarious left shark moment in a salsa performance here in the DR!), so stay tuned!
Embrace the adventure,
Megan
Dear Readers,
How we INTERPRET what happens to us makes all the difference.
Our interpretations can make us miserable, delighted, frustrated, inspired and everything in between. They can also turn a seemingly negative situation into a powerful learning opportunity,
My first week in the Dominican is the perfect example.
After my Facebook Live on January 1, I hopped onto my plane to the DR feeling great. Creativity was surging through me as I flew down the East Coast and over the ocean.
“This will be my most inspired week of business!” I declared.
Upon my arrival, I had two insane days of productivity: I created new tools, listened to podcasts by my favorite thought-leaders, served my clients, and settled in beautifully.
“I am doing it!” I declared. “I am amazing and everything is going as planned!”
…and then came the evil death flu of 2018, including fever, chills, weakness, vomiting, and all the other dreaded symptoms.
This flu threw my plan off course, and I felt frustrated and scared. In my mind, I equated working hard to being safe in my new environment. If I couldn’t work hard…then what would happen?
Then I remembered this: When I see everything as perfect, I can turn the most challenging situations into opportunities. So I asked myself:
“How is this perfect? What is the divine lesson for me?”
The answer was crystal clear.
The flu forced me to slow down and actually be with my transition to this new country. While running full speed ahead is my default and a way I know to protect myself, it would have left me isolated and homesick during this huge new transition.
Instead, the flu forced me to seek support. It felt uncomfortable to ask my friends here to make me food, get me medicine, and help me with basic day-to-day things. That is a level of support I never would have sought without the flu.
Yet allowing myself to receive so much support was a huge gift. It reminded me that I’m not alone and that a new type of community is a huge part of why I am trying life here.
The support created a foundation for the relationships I am building.
Practicing gratitude and seeing everything as perfect allowed me to:
1) stay in the moment, rather than worrying about the future
2) feel inspired, even in the face of my illness
3) Be more open and authentic with those around me
I want to share this gift with you, readers. If you’re game, try out the following questions:
1. What are you currently looking at as a curse?
2. How is this actually perfect (if the answer doesn’t immediately come to mind, i suggest you free write about it for 10 minutes).
I hope you find this practice as rewarding as I did.
Embrace the Adventure,
Megan
Dear Readers,
On January 1, I move to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic!
I’ve thought about this move for a long time, and it’s become one wild, soul-whispering adventure I can’t ignore.
Have you ever experienced something similar? A calling from your heart, soul or intuition that you can’t explain? But you KNOW is right for you?
On a deep level, you sense it’s part of what’s next (even if you don’t know exactly WHY), but it takes COURAGE to actually pull the trigger.
Some of the BEST decisions I’ve made were inspired a spark of vision and excitement, then followed by second guessing, fear, and worry that I might be crazy (to hear more about this, tune into my Facebook live on January 1!).
It’s the times I’ve followed that spark DESPITE the fear that I’ve been the most delighted.
The decision to move to the Dominican was both thrilling and terrifying. After all, my life in DC is gorgeous. I love my home, my friends, and my business partnerships there.
I am not running away from anything. I am running TOWARD a calling from Spirit/God/the Universe (call it what you will!)!
The Dominican Republic has things to teach me. Every time I go, I gain new insight and perspective. My interactions there prepare me to meet the world with more love, connection and presence.
Plus, it’s walking my talk. I’m doing the same thing I help my clients do.
I teach my clients to get out of the HOW and to stop looking for the RIGHT way to move toward their dreams. We already have EVERYTHING we need to get started, but often we need to:
1) Learn to trust ourselves and
2) Surround ourselves with wildly supportive mentors, coaches, and friends who help us stay on track
(And if this is something you are interested in, let’s talk!)
I’m so thankful that I’ve surrounded myself with a group of people who love the heck out of me when I experience moments of fear or uncertainty. These people remind me of my vision, my possibility, and that following my intuition doesn’t make me crazy.
In fact, it makes me insanely inspiring.
Just because something scares us doesn’t mean we should avoid it. It just needs we need more support to follow through.
When we follow through, there is MAGIC. We meet the right people, find new opportunities, and we allow ourselves holistic success on a whole new level.
I’ve seen it happen too many times to count — in my own life and in the lives of my clients.
It is the greatest gift to do work we love, live where we are inspired to live, and surround ourselves with a loving community.
I’m excited to share more with you about the Dominican Republic — a country I love so much. My website will be getting a makeover in February (stay tuned!) and will include not only blogs about coaching and entrepreneurship, but also about my life in the Caribbean.
And in case you’re wondering, here’s the location of the Dominican:
Megan